Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
