Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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