Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
