i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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