I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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