Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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