she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
