Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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