Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
