Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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