capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
