The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
