i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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