4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
