Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There r osticjed everywhere
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
