we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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