I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
