That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
