I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
