i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
