your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
