I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
