I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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