So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
