I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
