I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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