Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
