i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
