my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
