I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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