Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
