I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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