Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
