I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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