if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
