This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
