Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
