my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
