i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
