Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
