She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
