thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
