i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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