Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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