we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
