She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
