eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
