What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
