She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
