4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
