youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
