Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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