alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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