maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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